Single Mum With Disabled Son- Question | Single Parents

Hi Pen,

I think the best thing you can do is be honest from the start. Their is nothing worse than you really likeing the guy, then when he eventually finds out he automatically rejects you.  If he knows from the start, then you'll know what his views are, and weather or not he's the kinda guy you really want to be around your kids.

The subject of kids is surely to come up early on in a relationship if not the first date.

I personnally don't have a problem with it.

Hope i've helped in some way.


Roberto

Hey pen,

I can't really give any advice on this but I'm in a fairly similar situatiuon. Ex was cheating on me, split up in November.  My daughter has got some development problems, she's behind on movement (can't crawl, balance very well when sitting etc), she's only 14mths so the docs can't say what it means long-term, but they think its a cerebral issue. We've been to and fro up to London (St thomas, GOSH) a lot. If u ever wanna just chat then drop me a line. Only joined this site today so my profile is bare but will sort it out this weekend.....

Harry x

hi pen
         i've put off meeting someome for so long because my son is badly ADHD as well as other stuff. how do you ask a man to put up with a hyper 9 year old that don't sleep.
i've now decided that not all men are arseholes but any that won't give me the time of day because my son can be hard work can go jump because i wouldn't be intrested anyway.
our kids are NO1.
                                      caroline

hey

i can understand your worries...my 9 yr old son has Tourettes and AD/HD. He was diagnosed 2 yrs ago and the guy i was with at the time, who id been with for 4 yrs and we lived together, couldnt cope with it all and we split. On the other side of things, Ive not long come out of a short relationship where my sons difficulties were no problem at all but unfortunatley, myself and the guy just didnt work out. So, i guess it all depends on the person themselves...some will not be able to deal with a disability, some will be absolutley fine...good luck in finding what you are looking for x

Your child is a part of you, if someone can't accept that, they are not and never were good enough!

Hi Penny

i've said this before on a previous post somewhere...............there are so many!!

If the natural father/mother isn't going to be around very much then any new man/woman in one's life will be exposed to and have contact with one's children. They wil begin to have greater contact and greater influence and begin to form attachments (most likely).

I don't say it can't be done, but I do believe it's very difficult to keep a partner exclusively for oneself, the natural evolution of a relationship will mean the new gal/guy will begin to form a 'surrogate' relationship.

The only way I believe this can be avoided is if the kids and the partner don't have any contact with each other.........and I'm sure that wasn't really the intent behind the idea of 'keeping him for myself'.

As it happens I have been in a relationship with a single dad where I didn't want to be seen as a 'guardian' for his child and wanted to keep things very seperate.............. It's far too long a story to go into now, but the upshot is, it led to a very unsatisfactory situation for me.........as you know, being a parent, the children will always come first, regardless of what plans, commitments or promises are made to the partner.

As a result I can't entertain a bloke with dependant children,children at home or the 'every other weekend' variety....and that's my choice, it may be considered selfish, but I don't want to be someway down the list of priorites.

What I'm ttrying to say in a very laboured way is..............it's not just for you, if it has a serious chance of working, it has to be the whole package, kids included. You can't say 'you're just for me' and then blow him off every time the childrens (or indeed the ex's) actions conflict with the plans you've both made. ..................as happened to me, too damn regularly.

WiWater wrote:

Hi Penny

i've said this before on a previous post somewhere...............there are so many!!

If the natural father/mother isn't going to be around very much then any new man/woman in one's life will be exposed to and have contact with one's children. They wil begin to have greater contact and greater influence and begin to form attachments (most likely).

I don't say it can't be done, but I do believe it's very difficult to keep a partner exclusively for oneself, the natural evolution of a relationship will mean the new gal/guy will begin to form a 'surrogate' relationship.

The only way I believe this can be avoided is if the kids and the partner don't have any contact with each other.........and I'm sure that wasn't really the intent behind the idea of 'keeping him for myself'.

As it happens I have been in a relationship with a single dad where I didn't want to be seen as a 'guardian' for his child and wanted to keep things very seperate.............. It's far too long a story to go into now, but the upshot is, it led to a very unsatisfactory situation for me.........as you know, being a parent, the children will always come first, regardless of what plans, commitments or promises are made to the partner.

As a result I can't entertain a bloke with dependant children,children at home or the 'every other weekend' variety....and that's my choice, it may be considered selfish, but I don't want to be someway down the list of priorites.

What I'm ttrying to say in a very laboured way is..............it's not just for you, if it has a serious chance of working, it has to be the whole package, kids included. You can't say 'you're just for me' and then blow him off every time the childrens (or indeed the ex's) actions conflict with the plans you've both made. ..................as happened to me, too damn regularly.

What she said.

Always assuming that the bloke has been honest in his profile about whether or not he wants to be involved with a woman with young children to look after.

hi pen

im the same i have a boy with cerbal parsley and adhd i find it hard trying to find the right person im looking for aswell my ex walked out on my kids when they were all young its been 5years since he left its great in away as he was a right jurk he dont have much time for them only when his parents make him see them i want someone that wont judge my kids for wht they r not ive also got a younger child with spine abiffa but she not got adha but then i think she has hopeful one man will come back in my life and make me and kids happy

hi penny im a single dad with a disabled 8yr old daughter dating is very hard but we find strength in our kids.my girl goes to hospital at least twice a week,so i know where ur coming from,lets chat sometime mike xx

Hi to all who have posted so far.
My son was born with hyperactivity 23 years ago when there was no understanding of that condition.
I threw his dad out when my son was 9 months old as he was a waste of space and didn't care for either of us more than where his next beer was coming from.
I've been in relationships since and my main thought has always been "Is my son happy?" if the answer was no then off they went.
He's older now and would like me to find my soulmate. We owe it to ourselves to at least try and find the 1.
Good luck!

Nice one family come first, though I know what it is like to be on yr own an still having needs.

Not heard much from you on the forums lately,could it be that you've met someone and you're far too busy to be tapping away on here lol?
Hope you're well and having a good weekend.

My kids issue is that no one is interested cos one of my two has Autism!

I am 46 so women think they will be taking him on as well - which they would not be.

most women in their forties have had kids and dont want to do it again..... and they think they would have to lol.

I also fart occasionally

terrible aint it.....

but I am loyal, reasoonably obedient, dont drink to excess, not obessed by friends or football, dont gamble, honest, reliable, on time, faithful.....

and my left testicle hangs slightly lower than the right which is true of 60% of all men.....

So I am normal...... think most women want brigands and rough guys...... gonna grow some stubble and the next woman I go out with will throw her over my shoulder and take her to bed....I'll never tell her i love her..... have an eye on the other girls and she'll probly fall in love - but I'll get so used to that behaviour that i wont care about her....

A GF of a few years ago ALSO had an Autistic son, though more able than mine....and we lived together

I am not against women with children with any kind of problems - I work in Care so have some understanding....


but my last three GF's have rejected me partially on the basis of my son - who is really no problem at all - and I didnt move in so - saw him and my 'normal' daughter (she is a teenager) no problem - away from the relationship......

yet I did over hear her telling a friend she got more of a interaction from her dog than my son..... and she was a senior carer in a dom care company...,. and she didnt think it was wrong to say it...

nice person huh!

pen83 wrote:

So quick breakdown... I met my husband at 18 got married had 2 kids (4,6)one of which is disabled. I found out at the start of the year 2 days before my birthday that he had been cheating on me for the last 3-4 months! ....

I'm finaly over all that and want to move on but i'm worried if n e 1 would be interested because i have kids as well as the fact 1 is seriously disabled. I read a previous post which has made me fill better about what men think about kids but what about disabled ones? Would this be 2 much? I'm not asking for another father figure i too want someone for me.

Any thoughts on the matter apreciated
Penny

Hi Penny,
as I've said b4, It's bad that we've had to deal with the rubbish that life deals us , time for us now lol!