Severe Technical Problems I'M Experiencing | Suggestions

Dear Moderator,

I keep getting the following error messages is it anything to do with my non-figurative OS ?

Warning: include(/includes/databaseconnects.php) [functionadtuk.include]: failed to open stream: No such file or directory in /home/jjjjokes/public_html/Hillarious-NoAccess-Wot a Joke_64.html o
A link to the server could not be  funny or funnily established in Hopelessly Access_real_escape_string() 69.html
Access denied for user 'nobody'@'localhost' (using password: DTUK) in /home/html/Hillarious- Hillarious – Hil -ous – Hillariousssssssssssss.

Warning: include() [function.include]: Failed opening '/includes/ /html/Don'tmentionsexNannyishHillariousYes  (using password: NO) in /homepage DTUK/jjokes/public_ADULTHOOD DENIED......[function.mysql-dtuk-query]:

I am currently running the latest version of GirlFriendFinder3.0 and I've been
having some problems lately. I've been trying to run a new version of
HavinALaff 1.0 as my primary application, but all my GirlFriendFinder apps. have conflicted with it.

I hear that GirlFriendFinder3.0  won't crash if JohnnyWalker v2.5 is run in background mode
and the sound is turned off. Is this true ?
But I'm embarrassed to say I can't find that after running JohnnyWalker v2.5 for a while all my functions switch off and my system usually crashes.

I have tried switching the sound off, just looking at the pictures and pulling on my knob, it improved things slightly and gave a modicum of release and satisfaction. But what do I have to do to have the Total DTUK experience from GirlFriendFinder3.0 ?.
Should I just run them separately, or should I run EcstasyIbizia6 ?

GirlFriendFinder3.0 also seems to have a problem co-existing with my LegOver 2010
program, often trying to abort  LegOver  prematurely with some sort of timing
incompatibility.

Additionally my hard drive has seized and will not budge from the upright position

I probably should have stayed with GirlFriendFinder3.0, but
I thought I might see better performance from GirlFriendFinder9. After
months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had
experience with his Floppy using GirlFriendFinder9. He said I probably didn't have enough
cache to run GirlFriendFinder9, and eventually it would require a Token
Ring to run properly. He was right - as soon as I purged my cache, it
uninstalled itself.

Shortly after that, I installed GirlFriendFinder 3.0 beta. All the bugs were
supposed to be gone, but the first time I used it, it gave me a virus
anyway. I had to clean out my whole system and shut down for a while. I
very cautiously upgraded to GirlFriendFinder9.

This time I used a SCSI probe first and also installed a virus protection program.
It worked okay for a while until I discovered that GirlFriendFinder3.0 was still in my
system.

I tried running GirlFriendFinder3.0 again with GirlFriendFinder9 still
installed, but GirlFriendFinder3.0 has a feature I didn't know about that
automatically senses the presence of any other version of GirlFriendFinder and
communicates with it in some way, which results in the immediate removal
of both versions.

The version I have now works pretty well, but there are still some
problems. Like all versions of GirlFriendFinder3.0, it is written in some obscure
language I can't understand, much less reprogram. Frankly I think there
is too much attention paid to the look and feel rather than the desired
functionality. Also, to get the best connections with your hardware,
you usually have to use gold-plated contacts. And I've never liked how
GirlFriendFinder3 is totally "object-oriented."

GirlFriendFinder9 unfortunately uses Mega-bytes in it's performance which is uncomfortable for my system and it takes an awful lot of RAM, RAM, RAM, RAM, RAM, RAM,RAM,RAM
(Sorry my keyboard got stuck there).
I soon get tired of being in the same position.
Mind you I haven't tried back up with GirlFriendFinder3.0 yet and hope that will be an easy, enjoyable experience.

A year ago, a friend of mine upgraded his version of GirlFriendFinder3 to
GirlFriendFinder3Plus 1.0, which is a Terminate and Stay Resident version of
GirlFriendFinder3.

He discovered that GirlFriendFinder3Plus 1.0 expires within a year
if you don't upgrade to Fiancee 1.0. So he did, but soon after that, he
had to upgrade to Wife 1.0 which he describes as a huge resource hog.

It has taken up all his space, so he can't load anything else.
One of the primary reasons he decided to go with Wife 1.0 was because it came
bundled with FreeSexPlus.
Well, it turns out the resource allocation module of Wife 1.0 sometimes prohibits access to FreeSexPlus, particularly the new Plug-Ins he wanted to try.
On top of that, Wife 1.0 must be running on a well warmed-up system before he can do
anything.

Although he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with MotherInLaw which has an automatic pop-up feature he can't turn off. I told him to try installing Mistress 1.0, but he said he heard if you try
to run it without first uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.0 won't install anyway because of insufficient resources.

Any Ideas???