Help How Do I Fine A Out What Make'S Girl'S AND Woman Tick | Relationship Issues

ALBAY3 wrote:

I have just lost the love of my life it is hard to take as when we met in february this year we got on like a house onfire  She had split from a partner at the time but we were just friends and then he went and hung himself I was at the time but was due home the same day we were texing one another and was asked if I would stay over as she did not want to be in the house on her own this I could understand so I did and it all went on from there we did sleep together for a few months and I helped her move home twice in that that time but now only wants to be friends that is what hurts to the point that I want to take my life just like her partner did so think i know why he did it but she still ask's me to do thing's for her and I do as i still love the lass and fell I always will

I feel it all happened so  quickly although it was what you both wanted at the time. She has now had time to start to come to terms with her loss and time has gone by so her feelings are confused.

It would maybe be better for you to give her space and time for 3 months  explainig to her that you can't be a friend until you know what her thoughts are.

You are not in the same place as her past partner so quotes like "i think i know why he did it " are soooo wrong.

Grow up, be strong and if she doesn't come back to you move on.


Good luck

When things happen to us that are out of our control we need time and space to work out what is going on in our minds......Good things come to those who wait and also time heals many things....so either way win win in time

Albay
First of all put all thoughts of killing yourself out of your mind. If you have any feelings for this woman you would not dream of inflicting another suicide on her. Get that!

Secondly, suicide is a devasting thing to deal with when it is someone close and she probably fears intimacy right now because if it doesn't work out she could fear the possibility of it happening again( which is already in your thoughts).

So give the woman time to deal with what happened , maybe she needed comforting and rushed into things with you to avoid dealing with grief maybe she just wanted to escape any guilt.. who knows,  but you feeling sorry for yourself right now is not going to work. So be there for her she still is in contact with you and asking your help. If she really cares for you it will come back once she has dealt with the emotional fall out of her ex's suicide. be patient, be loviing be caring and wait and see>>>>>>>>>>

I wont want to hurt anyone with my opinion but here it goes. you stole the man's woman from him she was in a relationship. Marriage or relatisnhips are the same to me. you sinned by going after someones woman in the first place. I believe he must have loved her the same way you did or probably do now. Losing her to you when after all the usage maybe hurt him so bad he decided to take his own life. You may not beileve in God and sins but your concience must tell you that you have sinned and both your hands are bathed in his blood and life taken. My advice to you is to leave her alone and stay far away. Try find someone single and open for a relationship or fun. that way you could heal and maybe ask your concience for forgiveness. All the same this is my personal opinion and hope you will respect it

well...my beliefs are not as radical as fredrad, but Albay3, i think ur mistake was falling in love with a woman when she was too mixed up emotionally to know how she felt about you!
I understand why she had to move away from you....she needs to clear her head....sad part is....the clearer her head gets the more she will realise she was never in love with you, and was just very vulnerable when u got involved with her.....
you are best ending this relationship as soon as u can...it will only hurt you more, and add to her guilt....if u love her as much as u say u do, u wont want her feeling rubbish and staying with u only because she feels too guilty to leave....

FredRad wrote:

I wont want to hurt anyone with my opinion but here it goes. you stole the man's woman from him she was in a relationship. Marriage or relatisnhips are the same to me. you sinned by going after someones woman in the first place. I believe he must have loved her the same way you did or probably do now. Losing her to you when after all the usage maybe hurt him so bad he decided to take his own life. You may not beileve in God and sins but your concience must tell you that you have sinned and both your hands are bathed in his blood and life taken. My advice to you is to leave her alone and stay far away. Try find someone single and open for a relationship or fun. that way you could heal and maybe ask your concience for forgiveness. All the same this is my personal opinion and hope you will respect it

Whatever doubts I may have about ALBAY3's initial post (which I have expressed elsewhere on-site to a friend) I did not respond to it as to do so would require too much conjecture.

You assert that he "stole the man's woman from him" yet you have no evidence for this; he may have done, but the only thing on which you base your assertion is the fact that they were texting each other. I speak to women who are married or in relationships and meet a couple for drinks or coffee. Does that mean I'm trying to steale them from their partners? No, it means that they are friends, no more, no less.

Your statement that "both your hands are bathed in his blood" is mere wild speculation and so melodramatic as to be laughable. Your statement about sin and conscience is equally laughable coming, as it does from someone whose profile shows that he is 80% faithful; hardly a sound basis for commenting on someone else's supposed philandering.

yea...Fredrad was a bit accusatory and harsh there wasnt he....wonder  why he jumped to those conclusions.....

Sorry you are wrong i did not steel the woman from her partner and we only got together after the poor man hung himself it was not planed it just happend I am yes still in love with the girl but know it is at the end too just wish I could find some one new that is why i am on here but no luck so far I do get so down with it all help some one where have i gone wrong???

ALBAY3 wrote:

Sorry you are wrong i did not steel the woman from her partner and we only got together after the poor man hung himself it was not planed it just happend I am yes still in love with the girl but know it is at the end too just wish I could find some one new that is why i am on here but no luck so far I do get so down with it all help some one where have i gone wrong???

try reading my previous posts albay3

Is OK cbr, he was responding to FredRay's post, not yours which I'm sure he found supportive.

ALBAY3 wrote:

Sorry you are wrong i did not steel the woman from her partner and we only got together after the poor man hung himself it was not planed it just happend I am yes still in love with the girl but know it is at the end too just wish I could find some one new that is why i am on here but no luck so far I do get so down with it all help some one where have i gone wrong???

Don't try and analyse it on your own because you are going to end up in a psychological cul-de-sac.  Some counselling would benefit you because you are going through an extremely traumatic situation.  Best if you can find a counsellor in CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy).  They will be able to help you to be more objective about things.

Your mind is a dangerous place.  Don't go in there alone.

Many of us have been in dark places where we think maybe we would be better of out of it.  It's not unusual, it's a temporary feeling and when you look back, you will be glad you didn't act on any self-destructive behaviour.

In the meantime, don't make any major decisions if you can help it.  At this time, another relationship is the last thing you need,

Oh, and most importantly don't listen to any sanctimonious religious lunatics.  Don't even bother to respond to them.

Look after yourself.  You are not a "bad" person.

wow??!!! Really??!! counselling !!! AND CBT??!!! for a broken relationship?? you have to be kidding there DC....if i went into counselling everytime i thought i had just lost the love of my life, i would have to hire a permanent private counsellor....
Come on!!!
Albay3, might have a broken heart, but am sure he can move on...and at his age, i doubt this is the first time his heart has been broken!!!

chatterboxrookie wrote:

wow??!!! Really??!! counselling !!! AND CBT??!!! for a broken relationship?? you have to be kidding there DC....if i went into counselling everytime i thought i had just lost the love of my life, i would have to hire a permanent private counsellor....
Come on!!!
Albay3, might have a broken heart, but am sure he can move on...and at his age, i doubt this is the first time his heart has been broken!!!

I respect your opinion, however, I have based my response on real-life experience. 

Your rebuff is of the "pull yourself together" school of psychology.  Which is OK, if it worked for you.

Sorry, what makes this different from a straightforward break up is that somebody actually died.

yes DC someone did die, but the person who died had nothing to do with Albay...
If anyone needs counselling or CBT, it would be the girl involved.....
well anyways, neither of us are here to lock horns about human psychology or even psychiatry, and i am not trying to undermine anyones personal experiance.....am quite sure we both had good intentions here!...so Peace?

chatterboxrookie wrote:

yea DC, some one did die, but the someone had nothing to do with Alb....you see, the person needing counselling here would be the girl...but oh well, am not here to lock horns about human-psychology or psychiatry....I am sure we both had the best of intensions at heart.....

With respect to you CBR, I agree. I don't think this is the time or place for a debate. 

I feel that the poor girl you speak about was in such an emotional turmoil after the tragic loss of her former boyfriend. that her judgement was blurred.

My husband died suddenly, and at that time I made some pretty foolish decisions when it came to dating again after 36 years married.

We all make foolish decisions from time to time, particularly when suffering a loss. Having made those decisions enables us to be more empathic and compassionate. As long as we recognize and learn from our mistakes it makes us better people.

Or better still - learn from other's mistakes. Think of Paul McCartney. There was a man blinded by sadness.